I never thought it actually happens.

I'm going to admit something to myself that I think I didn't want to admit before and still don't quite want to. I think I'm still suffering from some sort of repercussion. You experience things, and then they're over. What do you do when you're haunted by someone you have no way of communicating with? How do you get closure? What do you do when this person keeps showing up in your dreams once a week? I don't seem to be showing any obvious signs of not being over my ex but why do I feel like things aren't quite right. If I'm over her, why does she keep showing up when I sleep? Why do I look across the station, see a girl and wonder whether or not it's her? Then I double back just to make sure it's not. Why is it that whenever I see the Hurlstone uniform my first instinct is to search her out? Are these the signs of a person who needs closure? I don't know.

I once went to a conference and the speaker said:

"mad men don't know they're mad"

I honestly never thought I could still be in the process of getting over someone nearly one year after the break up. I didn't think that I was even in that position until I sat down and thought about it. But it makes more sense now that I'm here typing it out and reading it through. Why else is it that every time I go gym, I think "if only she could see me now". Or when I'm in any area that she could possibly be in, I keep an eye out for her. The worst is the off chance that I actually do see her. I actually feel my stomach plummet and light headed. I lose all focus, I can't concentrate, I feel drained of energy. How can someone who probably doesn't know a thing about you anymore do so much damage to you mentally? I don't think I have any feelings left, but I'll just admit it...

...I'm haunted.